Behind Brown Eyes

Call me an extrovert, call me outspoken.

YES—I’ve called Kotex to quite kindly complain that I was upset by not getting pink tampons in my little black box of assorted sanitary products. (And YES, I find it funny that I had to click the word “insert” to add that photo on your right).

Claim I’m irrational or simply ridiculous.

YES—I’ve called Hidden Valley to inform them about how frustrated I was with the production inconsistencies among their squeezable ranch dressing bottles (i.e., Some bottles actually have the hole in the top to squeeze out the dressings, and others merely have an imprint, an innuendo, if you will, on the cap of where the hole should be, yet there is no actual hole over the opening of the bottle). To which their reply was, “Well, some of the 16 oz bottles have them, and others don’t.” Since when are mechanics a variable in assembly line production? Odd.

Call me what you will, claim what you desire, but regardless of how you judge me (empathize? relate?), you and I share a common ground: we are consumers. We are unique individuals, and unique to the brands that surround us. Successful brands are able to reach beyond the surface of this notion and strive to really understand consumers on a deeper level—allocating time and resources toward effective, data-driven target marketing. They want to know who their primary end users are and what mediums will reach them.

Brands who truly know their customers speak to them and recognize their needs. How? They listen. By regularly engaging with consumers, and facilitating positive interactions, brands build trust and loyalty, establishing a strong foundation for long-term B2C relationships.

With that being said, I’m admittedly a consumer who wants to be heard. Customer service 1-800 numbers and e-mail addresses on product labels are there for a reason—and, should something go awry, are intended to be used. So if you ask me—well, you don’t have to. I’ll tell you here and now that I’m in no way ashamed of reaching out to a brand/company when I have any sort of product complaint. I’m sure every now and then companies wouldn’t mind hearing positive reinforcement from a local, vocal and satisfied customer—but unfortunately, I’d have to argue that in most cases problems precede praise.

Example: We all love Apple. Golden Delicious is my favorite. Ok, I’m biased because I love to surround myself on my bed with all of my iDevices an arm’s length away, in awe and admiration of innovation at it’s finest. Regardless, let’s use this particular brand as an illustration. I love Apple and am constantly raving about their products to friends, family and colleagues. I have a MacBook Pro, iPad, iPod(s) and iPhone. Am I going to call Apple if my iPhone breaks or stops working? Unequivocally yes. Am I going to call to chit-the-chat about my obsession with their brand? Eh—unlikely.

Case and point: problems precede praise.

Thought: Wouldn’t it be interesting if it were the other way around? And instead we only called our favorite brands and companies not to report missing pink tampons or vent about product packaging inconsistencies, but rather to commend them for all the things we love about their product or service. It would change the whole nature of customer service, as we know it. And make many [customer service] representatives’ jobs a lot less difficult and a lot more enjoyable.

With all of that being said, I took it upon myself as a dissatisfied, frustrated, yet brand loyal customer to reach out to ConAgra Foods about my issue with Orville Redenbacher’s popcorn. Thought you might enjoy reading about my experience. And just so you know, one of their reps got back to me the next day. Read my letter and their reply to follow.

I wrote…

To Whom It May Concern,

I am very brand loyal when it comes to microwavable popcorn. I’ve tried Act II, Pop Secret, complimentary bags at hotels, and then some. But it always comes down to my love for the quality and original taste of Orville Redenbacher’s 94% fat free varieties—smart pop and kettle korn, particularly. I’ve never had a problem with the product until recently. We typically buy the bulk boxes of the standard size popcorn bags at BJ’s Wholesale Club. Not only for the great price, but for the convenience of having a stash of my favorite late-night snack readily available.

Recently, I’ve noticed that practically every bag I pop, bursts open and explodes in my microwave. That is, I press the pre-programmed “popcorn” button on my micro, which is supposedly intuitive, only to have the bag not open fully, get stuck on the turntable, and in an failed attempt to expand from the pressure and continual heat, burn a huge black hole through the bag. Literally. As you can imagine, this is a mess, annoyance, and honestly, inconvenience. The inability of the bag to give, or expand evenly (or at all, for that matter), causes hot, unpopped kernels to fly out of the bag and scatter throughout the microwave. At the same time, the giant black ball of popcorn—the nucleus, if you will—continues to burn and enlarge on the inside of the bag. But the bag won’t budge. Ultimately, this affects the editable, popped kernels, which are now burnt and singed from the burnt “nucleus.” And the rest of the bag, aside from what little is actually unaffected, is inevitably, unpopped kernels.

I’ve come to terms with the fact that a good 1-2 tablespoons of kernels will always remain unpopped, in any given bag of microwavable popcorn. I’m ok with that—though it is a frustration that can at times outweigh even the great nutritional value of my favorite go-to snack. But the fact that nearly every bag I make these days leaves a mess in my microwave, let alone more than half of the bag entirely inedible, is a problem.

We’ve tried microwaving the bags by manually entering times and using the instructions on the product’s packaging. (And I can assure you, as an avid popcorn popper, I am putting the bag in with “this side up.”) We’ve even tried a Reader’s Digest tip of placing the microwave bags in the freezer prior to popping—which actually proved a temporarily effective solution. However, I just haven’t been having any luck lately.

If there’s any way you can advise, I would appreciate hearing back from you. I want to continue using this product. I love the taste, I love the brand. But if I can’t find a satiating solution, I may have to set aside my oath to Orville, and sacrifice the quality and taste I’ve come to love for a brand that promises the perfect pop.

I look forward to hearing from you soon, and thank you for your time.

Sincerely,

Krystina

Response:

“I am so sorry to hear that our Orville Redenbacher’s popcorn is not popping correctly and leaving a mess behind for you to clean up! I am thankful you emailed us so I can get all of the details you supplied over to our Food Safety and Quality experts. Krystina, please know this isn’t the experience we want you to have with our products so those details will be very helpful for us. Thank-you so much for your loyalty to our brand. I am sending coupons your way via regular mail, please give us another try.”

Reaction:

“I sincerely hope that the information I provided will help your quality experts remedy the popping issue. Thank you for the coupons as well—I will certainly give Orville another try. Maybe the box we bought had defective bags. I appreciate your help and the great customer service too.”

Last week I’m sure you could sense my excitement about my first #BzzCampaign. I was so eager to run to the store and pick up two boxes (and two different kinds) of pizza from Dr. Oetker. But I have to admit, this was no easy task. I first tried the A&P, which was a complete bust—only to get an e-mail that night from #BzzAgentJono notifying me of the pizza’s prime East coast locations. Of course, my supermarket of choice didn’t make the list; and so it was either Stop & Shop or Shop Rite for me. Since the former is right near my gym, I decided to stop there after my typical weeknight workout and pick up two pizzas to bring home for dinner. Always nice to switch it up when you’re a leftovers-kind-a-gal.

So I’m in Stop & Shop. And after the strategic marketing design that puts the staple items at the end (so you’re enticed to buy the other aisles’ offerings as you journey along) I finally made it to the freezer aisle. Always so cold and never prepared for it. Frozen vegetables, not my preference. Frozen yogurt, not tonight. Frozen dinners, not my style. Breakfast strudels, ehhhh…not worth the calories. But thank you for tempting-me-with-a-good-time, Pillsbury. Gah lee, what a plethora of frozen foods. Aisles upon aisles toward the back of the store. So many options of frozen junk-food—but hey, people pay for convenience, don’t they?

Sidenote: I never really shop frozen foods, with the exception of Edamame (because I secretly wish I was Asian and can never find it with the fresh veggies where I shop) and berries for smoothies (when I go on my smoothie “kicks,” naturally). 

Finally, I stumbled upon the frozen pizza. Ellio’s, DiGiorno, Stouffer’s, everything but Dr.—Oetker! I found it! Four Cheese, Mozzarella, Spinach, Meat Special, Vegetable. Decisions, decisions. Well not really. I went with the classic Mozzarella and Meat with little hesitation. Ok, now all I have to do is check-out. Self check-out, my favorite. 

I make my way to the front, recovering from the chill as I escape the dreaded freezer aisle. Ah, yes. No line. A kind woman about to check out politely says, “Oh, you can go ahead of me!” I reply, “Oh, thank you! I’ll be quick!” Thinking to myself, “Well, how could I not be? I have two pizzas and two free pizza coupons!” Wrong. 

I beep-beep (or “scan,” rather—if you want to be technical…though I think it’s more technical to use the sound than the word) my two pizzas and then go to scan my coupons. Invalid. I try the other. Invalid. Oh boy.

I read, “Click here to cancel your order/call for assistance.” Ok, I’ll just cancel it. Wrong again.

*Presses button.* “HELP IS ON THE WAY!!” seeming to crescendo, “HELP IS ON THE WAY!!!!” it repeated. The self check-out machine literally raged with fury, as it belligerently barked for customer assistance. This. Is. Embarrassing.

Oh, gah! Now I’ve made a scene in Stop & Shop, I’m a sweaty mess ‘cause I just came from the gym, and all I want is my two free pizzas and to be on my way! 

I grab the pizzas. And while instinctively, I want to run out the door screaming, “The coupons didn’t work but I swear they’re free!” I head to Guest Services. Awesome. (Sarcasm). 

I rant on to a woman about my pizza problems and she directs me to a different counter. Beep-beep (Pizza 1). Beep-Beep (Pizza 2). 

“Here are the coupons. Both pizzas are free,” I said. Beep-beep (Coupon 1, accepted). Beep-Beep (Coupon 2, accepted). Why are people in customer service roles always so angry?

“Thank you!” I said. And off I went.

* * *

I get home, and flash the pizzas in the air to dad, who gives me the thumbs up and a smile in return. I followed the directions on the box, and in a good 14 minutes my Mozzarella pie was done. Why do we so often call pizzas “pies?” I hate that, and I just did it. Also, another sidenote. And an apology, too.

Ok, I’m admittedly getting a bit too detailed on the day-of-purchase events, so let me get to my evaluation of the Dr.’s self-proclaimed “authentic Italian” pizza. That’s probably what you’re waiting for, anyway—if you’ve made it this far along in your reading…

So after all of this hassle trying to just purchase the pizza, which is the first problem with the brand to begin with—its lack of availability in my supermarket of choice—I wasn’t all too impressed with the quality and taste. Here are a few reasons why:

1. I’m not in to thin, crispy crust. I like thick and doughy. So I guess I was already setting myself up for dissatisfaction from the start. I just didn’t think it was “authentic Italian.”
2.  Way too much garlic. Yes, although some Italians (or people) would argue otherwise, there is such a thing as too much garlic. And it can be absolute disaster if overused. Each “pesto” chunk on the plain pizza was full of garlic, which took away from the flavor of the cheese and miniscule amount of sauce. You shouldn’t need to mask the flavor of a good pizza—if it’s truly good.
   
3. What a perfect segue into my next problem: the miniscule amount of sauce. I love my sauce. Granted, I love white pizza, too. But when you order white pizza, you know you’re not getting sauce—so that’s a different story all together. A plain pizza is supposed to have sauce, with cheese layered on top. I guess with a brand originating in Italy, I should have expected the Margarita style—thin crust, cheese and tiny innuendos of what sauce should be to top it off.
4. And lastly, it’s a day one only item—meaning, you could never eat it leftover. Well you could, but you wouldn’t want to. In fact, as soon as you go for another slice, its already become too room temperature to be enjoyable. As soon as the oven heat escapes the dough, you have a cold, crunchy crust that tastes like cardboard, or a stack of stale tortilla chips. Gross either way. The best thing about pizza out, or even my home-made pizza, is that you can eat it leftover and it’s just as good. (Arguably).
5. Price. It’s pretty expensive for poor quality, unsatisfactory-tasting pizza. I’m glad I had the two free pizza coupons to try it. I wouldn’t buy it again, even with a $1.50 off coupon. If I did, it would be an act of desperation. But maybe that’s because I was never a frozen pizza girl from the start? Or because I prefer to make my own home-made “square pizza” instead?

I think what’s most interesting is that I was assigned to this #BzzCampaign from the start. Maybe the intent was to get someone like me—who doesn’t regularly eat or buy frozen pizza—to buy or convert to the brand. If that was the end goal, it would’ve had to have been a truly amazing product for me to become one of Dr. Oetker’s patients. I consider myself very brand loyal when it comes to certain products, you see.

If anything, participating in this campaign as a first-time #BzzAgent was a fun experience. It raised my awareness about Dr. Oetker products, gave me a brief history of the brand and allowed me to try something new. For free! So while I more-than-likely will never buy the brand again, or recommend it to my friends and family, it’s the experience that made it all worthwhile. Bring on the next #BzzCampaign, Jono! I can’t wait.

krystinalynne