Behind Brown Eyes

21st century flogger. That's food-blogger, fyi. Now if it were the 17th century...
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Posts tagged "laugh"

This is so true! Love me some super green bananas. Except in my oatmeal. It’s tastier if they’re mildly over-ripe! God I love The Golden Girls…and Betty White. I mean, obviously.

  • Me: "Mom, what are you wearing to the show?"
  • Mom: "I don't know."
  • Me: "That's not helpful."
  • Mom: "Um...pants."
  • Me: "PANTS. Really?! Oh, so you're going to wear pants--as opposed to not wearing any? Mom, are you a guy right now? Seriously you are so not helpful...like how dressed up are you gonna be?"
  • Mom: "Medium."
  • Me: "MEDIUM! THAT'S A COFFEE DRINK SIZE!!!"
  • Mom: "Business casual? What do you want me to say, Krystina?!"
  • Me: "Like, black jeans, with a nicer shirt and a cardi, type of thing. But nevermind. It doesn't matter anymore."
  • Mom: "Well what are you wearing?"
  • Me: "A venti skinny caramel macchiato. No whip. Extra foam."
  • Mom: (laughing)
  • Me: "I think I may just go to the mall by Aunt Jessica. They have a calendar store and a big Sports Authority."
  • Mom: "Yea. Why don't you just go to the mall by Aunt Jessica. They a have a Sports Authority and a big...HUGE Dick's."
  • Me: "Really mom? A big, huge Dick's??"
  • Mom: "Yea...oh! I didn't mean it like that."
  • Me: "Dad, that photo of you with the antlers got seven 'likes'!"
  • Dad: "That's all?? (Pause--serious tone). I don't want people I don't know 'liking' me. That's weird. And I'm not happy about it."
  • Me: (outraged) "Mom, what the heck happened to the 'Candy Mom' ornament I gave you?! You put her laying face-down on the pine needles! She looks like she plummeted to her death!"
  • Mom: (plainly) "...she looks like me after I finish baking Christmas cookies every year."
  • Me: (endless laughter)
  • Me: "Mom, maybe we should get some chickens in the backyard...to have fresh eggs."
  • Mom: (Repulsive, silent glare)
  • Me: "Do I just need a female, or do I need a male and a female?"
  • Mom: "I don't know what you need, Krystina. I'm not in to chicken farming. I'd faster get a dog before I'd have chickens."
  • Me: "Dad, you just don't have a complex enough palette to really appreciate the way I season my cooking. And how could you say you're a 'purist' when it comes to flavor, when you mask naturally good flavor with condiments? Your idea of tunafish is mayonnaise with a little bit of tuna. Or gravy smothered on turkey, ketchup on eggs..."
  • Dad: "Ok, you're right. I like more 'mucky.' But turkey is dry, and I like a lot of ketchup. I can see it on my gravestone now, 'Complex man, with a non-complex palette...'"
  • Me: "Never found 'umami'..."
  • Dad: "Only found...you-daddy."
  • Me: (Laughing) "That was great."
  • Dad: "I just burped...and a bit of the lamb shank came up."
  • Me: "That's repulsive. Ew. Seriously, don't ever tell me that again."
  • Dad: "Just enough for me to taste it."
  • Me: "Dad!! The fact that you had to clarify that is disgusting."
  • Dad: "At least I don't talk about my VAGINA!"
  • Me: (Hysterical laughing). "Can I blog that?"
  • Dad: "No. But you'll tell all your friends anyway."

The Gagliardo Clan—Reality TV at its finest. I honestly haven’t laughed out loud like this in quite some time. So I found it necessary to chronicle this convo on the blog.¬†Anyone who knows our familywould understand. It goes without saying, we’d certainly guarantee a new form of family entertainment. Ha. Gotta love my fam though.

  • Grandma: "Oh Krystina, lots of times I fall asleep with the TV on. And when I wake up, there's something sexy on. These two people, fully naked. I'm saying what the heck is this, and I'm watching it."
  • Me: (literally cannot stop laughing)
  • Grandma: "You know, when I lived on Odell, my neighbor used to tell me what the channels were. If you hit two buttons at one time on the remote, you'd get the station. I don't remember which ones...but it worked."
  • Me and Grandma: (both now hysterically laughing)