Behind Brown Eyes
21st century flogger. That's food-blogger, fyi. Now if it were the 17th century...
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Posts tagged "laugh"
This is so true! Love me some super green bananas. Except in my oatmeal. It’s tastier if they’re mildly over-ripe! God I love The Golden Girls…and Betty White. I mean, obviously.
- Me: "Mom, what are you wearing to the show?"
- Mom: "I don't know."
- Me: "That's not helpful."
- Mom: "Um...pants."
- Me: "PANTS. Really?! Oh, so you're going to wear pants--as opposed to not wearing any? Mom, are you a guy right now? Seriously you are so not helpful...like how dressed up are you gonna be?"
- Mom: "Medium."
- Me: "MEDIUM! THAT'S A COFFEE DRINK SIZE!!!"
- Mom: "Business casual? What do you want me to say, Krystina?!"
- Me: "Like, black jeans, with a nicer shirt and a cardi, type of thing. But nevermind. It doesn't matter anymore."
- Mom: "Well what are you wearing?"
- Me: "A venti skinny caramel macchiato. No whip. Extra foam."
- Mom: (laughing)
- Me: "I think I may just go to the mall by Aunt Jessica. They have a calendar store and a big Sports Authority."
- Mom: "Yea. Why don't you just go to the mall by Aunt Jessica. They a have a Sports Authority and a big...HUGE Dick's."
- Me: "Really mom? A big, huge Dick's??"
- Mom: "Yea...oh! I didn't mean it like that."
- Me: "Dad, that photo of you with the antlers got seven 'likes'!"
- Dad: "That's all?? (Pause--serious tone). I don't want people I don't know 'liking' me. That's weird. And I'm not happy about it."
- Me: (outraged) "Mom, what the heck happened to the 'Candy Mom' ornament I gave you?! You put her laying face-down on the pine needles! She looks like she plummeted to her death!"
- Mom: (plainly) "...she looks like me after I finish baking Christmas cookies every year."
- Me: (endless laughter)
- Me: "Mom, maybe we should get some chickens in the backyard...to have fresh eggs."
- Mom: (Repulsive, silent glare)
- Me: "Do I just need a female, or do I need a male and a female?"
- Mom: "I don't know what you need, Krystina. I'm not in to chicken farming. I'd faster get a dog before I'd have chickens."
- Me: "Dad, you just don't have a complex enough palette to really appreciate the way I season my cooking. And how could you say you're a 'purist' when it comes to flavor, when you mask naturally good flavor with condiments? Your idea of tunafish is mayonnaise with a little bit of tuna. Or gravy smothered on turkey, ketchup on eggs..."
- Dad: "Ok, you're right. I like more 'mucky.' But turkey is dry, and I like a lot of ketchup. I can see it on my gravestone now, 'Complex man, with a non-complex palette...'"
- Me: "Never found 'umami'..."
- Dad: "Only found...you-daddy."
- Me: (Laughing) "That was great."
- Dad: "I just burped...and a bit of the lamb shank came up."
- Me: "That's repulsive. Ew. Seriously, don't ever tell me that again."
- Dad: "Just enough for me to taste it."
- Me: "Dad!! The fact that you had to clarify that is disgusting."
- Dad: "At least I don't talk about my VAGINA!"
- Me: (Hysterical laughing). "Can I blog that?"
- Dad: "No. But you'll tell all your friends anyway."
The Gagliardo Clan—Reality TV at its finest. I honestly haven’t laughed out loud like this in quite some time. So I found it necessary to chronicle this convo on the blog. Anyone who knows our familywould understand. It goes without saying, we’d certainly guarantee a new form of family entertainment. Ha. Gotta love my fam though.
- Grandma: "Oh Krystina, lots of times I fall asleep with the TV on. And when I wake up, there's something sexy on. These two people, fully naked. I'm saying what the heck is this, and I'm watching it."
- Me: (literally cannot stop laughing)
- Grandma: "You know, when I lived on Odell, my neighbor used to tell me what the channels were. If you hit two buttons at one time on the remote, you'd get the station. I don't remember which ones...but it worked."
- Me and Grandma: (both now hysterically laughing)
