Behind Brown Eyes

21st century flogger. That's food-blogger, fyi. Now if it were the 17th century...
Recent Tweets @Krystina_Lynne
Posts tagged "funny"
  • Grandma: "What am I gonna be...86?"
  • Me, Mom, and Aunt Jessica: "89!"
  • Grandma: (eyes gradually open wide in absolute shock and surprise) "...REALLY???"
  • All: (laughter ensues)
  • Dad: "No--that's a good question. Seriously! What do women need men for?"
  • Me: "Umm babies."
  • Dad: "Pro-creation. Yes."
  • Me: "Oh! And killing spiders."
  • Mom: (subtly laughs)
  • Me: "I think that's it, though."

This is so true! Love me some super green bananas. Except in my oatmeal. It’s tastier if they’re mildly over-ripe! God I love The Golden Girls…and Betty White. I mean, obviously.

  • Me: "Mom, what are you wearing to the show?"
  • Mom: "I don't know."
  • Me: "That's not helpful."
  • Mom: "Um...pants."
  • Me: "PANTS. Really?! Oh, so you're going to wear pants--as opposed to not wearing any? Mom, are you a guy right now? Seriously you are so not helpful...like how dressed up are you gonna be?"
  • Mom: "Medium."
  • Me: "MEDIUM! THAT'S A COFFEE DRINK SIZE!!!"
  • Mom: "Business casual? What do you want me to say, Krystina?!"
  • Me: "Like, black jeans, with a nicer shirt and a cardi, type of thing. But nevermind. It doesn't matter anymore."
  • Mom: "Well what are you wearing?"
  • Me: "A venti skinny caramel macchiato. No whip. Extra foam."
  • Mom: (laughing)
  • Me: "I think I may just go to the mall by Aunt Jessica. They have a calendar store and a big Sports Authority."
  • Mom: "Yea. Why don't you just go to the mall by Aunt Jessica. They a have a Sports Authority and a big...HUGE Dick's."
  • Me: "Really mom? A big, huge Dick's??"
  • Mom: "Yea...oh! I didn't mean it like that."

A great Grandma moment. Ya gotta love this adorable little Italian.

  • Dad: "I like your hair like that. It's like, 'I don't care what I look like. I'm just cool.'"
  • Me: "Umm...thanks Dad." (This was after he called me Austin Powers last night).
  • Dad: "Krystina. Did you hear the coyotes last night?"
  • Krystina: "Thankfully, no."
  • Dad: "I went outside and started howling back at them. And then I started making a bear noise. (Husky grunt). 'Woo. Woo.' I figured a bear would scare them off. 'WOO!'"
  • Krystina: "You're ridiculous...and then you found $10?"
  • Me: "Dad, that photo of you with the antlers got seven 'likes'!"
  • Dad: "That's all?? (Pause--serious tone). I don't want people I don't know 'liking' me. That's weird. And I'm not happy about it."
  • Me: (outraged) "Mom, what the heck happened to the 'Candy Mom' ornament I gave you?! You put her laying face-down on the pine needles! She looks like she plummeted to her death!"
  • Mom: (plainly) "...she looks like me after I finish baking Christmas cookies every year."
  • Me: (endless laughter)